As I wait...

Thank the good Lord for mountain top experiences. You know, those moments where you can feel God within you, where He overwhelms you with His love, and for just a moment all seems well with the world.

Several months ago David and I hiked a volcano here at Lake Atitlan with some friends. I knew it was going to be challenging, but the last 30 minutes of the hike took all of my physical and mental strength. I literally had to tell myself over and over again to move my legs. As we were approaching the summit we got pretty spread out. I couldn't see anyone in front of or behind me. All of a sudden our guide appeared in front of me, on top of several rock boulders. He reached his hand down to me and he helped me climb up onto the rock. He kissed me on the cheek (very common here) and said welcome to heaven. I looked around and saw no one, just trees and scenery. I walked a few more feet to the ledge and saw the most spectacular view from over 9,000 feet above sea level. It was awe-inspiring to be there with no one else around.  I soaked in that moment, just me and God, reveling in the beauty of His creation and His splendor.

Such moments aren't everyday, but when experienced they can almost change your perception of yourself and of God. I am beyond blessed to look back upon my life and see so many mountain top experiences where God was very real to me, where He intervened in my life, where He saved me over and over. In those moments it's easy to look back and feel confirmed that God was directing, He was present and teaching me.


But let's be honest, much of our lives are spent in the day-to-day. Walking to work, sitting at a computer, cooking meals, making the bed, and on and on the daily grind catches up with you and you're focused on just getting through the day. Or perhaps your days grow darker and darker. You experience pain, you feel alone, God feels distant. We've all been there. The past two weeks here have consisted of challenge after challenge and I am weary.


I'm learning, very slowly, that these dark valleys are great opportunities. I've realized the past few weeks that I don't just want to believe in the God of mountain top experiences. Those rare moments have showed me God's goodness and provision. But I want to - no, I need to - believe in the God of the dark valleys as well. When I feel alone and am left with my mind filled with doubts and questions, I need to depend on God just as if I was on top of that volcano. I need to stop expecting mountain top experiences to confirm to me that God is directing. I think I have grown too dependent on the great God of miracles and those miraculous moments are feeding my belief. I need to have faith to find God's direction and provision in the dark, silent valleys.

The past 2 weeks have been difficult for me. Work has been disappointing, families all around me are suffering, and death is always hard to comprehend. Over and over again I see people struggle, unable to overcome their poverty, their addictions, their broken relationships, their diseases, their unemployment, their hunger. I find myself longing for a miracle, I even find myself expecting God to provide in ways that He has in the past. But I'm learning to believe in God and not believe in my belief about God. We're all called to be faithful in the good and hard times, and that means believing that God is present and at work...even when He doesn't confirm that on a mountain top.

I've been forced to take a step back and really question who it is I believe God to be, and if that belief is based on mountain top experiences and ways He's miraculously provided for me or based on His Truth and Word. Because, let's be honest, there are moments in Biblical history where God didn't sweep in miraculously and rescue John the Baptist or take away all of Job's afflictions. When we are in the dark valleys, we have a rare opportunity to believe God is who He says He is, without the temptation to believe because He shows us on a mountain top. In that regard, the valley really is an opportunity for us all.

That's been my journey lately. I find I need to de-analyze my belief in who God is, get rid of my logical or common sense beliefs that fit nicely in my box, and return to a child-like faith that trusts in a faithful God who never leaves us.

This Sunday at church we sang one of my favorites: The Power of Your Love. The chorus struck me: "As I wait, I'll rise up like the eagle. And I will soar with You, Your Sprirt leads me on by the power of your LOVE."

As I wait. That seems to sum up much of our pain, questions, suffering. We are waiting. We have not arrived. We are in a temporary place that often brings pain. But we have a beautiful opportunity to trust in God as we wait. May God strengthen each of us to believe in His goodness no matter what trials we face as we wait here on this earth.

Q of D

"Action expresses priorities"
-Gandhi

a heavy heart...

This past week has been difficult.

We were at church on Sunday and a woman who comes every week walked in with a black eye. I've been here long enough to immediately suspect she'd been beaten by a man. After talking with her in private she told me that the father of her 1 year old daughter tried to kill her and her daughter because he doesn't want to pay child support. She had a black eye, both of her arms were bruised up and down, and she told me her ribs and chest were also bruised. I asked her to come to Mayan Families the following morning, but first made sure she had a safe place to sleep that night. She came to our office and we're going through the legal process of charging him and getting a restraining order. This is not the first time I've had to sit in front of a weeping mother, blackened and bruised because of a man, as she begs for help and protection for her children. It is a devastating problem that plagues this country and often it feels like there is so little we can do. Please pray for this mother and her 1-year old daughter, Daniella, who brings so much joy to our church services by walking to the front and dancing to the worship songs.

Then on Monday morning the difficulties continued. There is a family I've been working with who live about 3 hours away but come to Pana frequently for our help. They are extremely poor and one of their 9 children is so malnourished that she cannot walk. The parents suffer various health problems, but after a recent medical exam here in Pana, we were notified that the mother is HIV positive. After telling the mother and father, we decided all of the children (and 3 grandkids) need to also be tested. On Monday I found out that 3 of the children and one of the grandchildren are positive. Plus one of the daughters is 6 months pregnant but wasn't able to come to be tested. It's so urgent that we get her tested as soon as possible, but she's afraid. This family doesn't have enough money to buy food. They are hungry and weak. And now 5 of them, possible 6, have a life-long disease that requires a huge amount of expensive medication. Not to mention the cost of transportation to get them from their rural village to the capital where they are receiving the testing and, hopefully, treatment. It's very difficult to think of these 4 children who's lives are forever changed. It's almost as if the innocence of their childhood has been stolen from them and they're now dependent on a hospital 3 hours away for life-sustaining medicine. Please pray for this entire family.

And then on Wednesday morning I received the tragic news of a dear friend and missionary, Julie Kurrle and her 6 year old son, Timmy who were both killed in a car accident in Paraguay. I could fill a book with my respect and admiration for Julie, a loving wife, a devoted follower of Christ, an outspoken voice for His Kingdom, and a courageous disciple who crossed cultural boundaries to defend the weak and share His love. She did great work with Children of Promise and I looked up to her in so many ways. She and her husband dedicated their lives to working on the side of the poor and proclaiming the One Hope that overcomes the poverty of this world. Julie had a huge heart for orphan care and adoption, and I only wish I could someday follow the path she paved. Six year old Timmy was a sweet boy who was supposed to have a life of adventure ahead of him. It was cut too short much too soon. I remember once when Julie, Norb, and Timmy were at a dinner at my parent's house. Timmy was playing with some of my mom's glassware and Julie quietly and calmly pulled him aside and gently taught him why it wasn't a good idea to play with such fragile objects. She spoke to him so sweetly that I was immediately impressed with her gentle motherhood teachings. Timmy quietly obeyed his mom and went to play outside with sticks and rocks. They left behind  Norb, a loving father and husband and newly adopted daughter and sister, who are obviously devastated. Please pray for them.

I am sad. I am overwhelmed. I feel like I've lost several battles this week. But I must believe that His mighty presence is bringing light to these dark circumstances. I must pray even when - no, especially when - I don't understand and all I can do is ask why. I must rest in His truth even when the lies of this world tell me that there is no hope for change, no hope for peace. Against all odds, I must believe.

Rollercoaster / Q of D

I flipped through an old journal, and read what I once wrote, "life is a rollercoaster.  Rollercoasters can break down, but they can also be fixed.  So ride the rollercoaster [of life] to get fixed!"

My surroundings in Guatemala teach me a lot about life.  The simplicity and nature of it [life] seem to be different than what we tend to think of it as...because it's most common for us to think of life, I think, in terms of achievements, accomplishments, belongings, i.e. essentially the things we can do in life.  Guatemala teaches me about the basics of life.  It helps me to understand a passage, like Matthew 6, which refers to dealing with worries and anxiousness, or the lack thereof.

Culturally, I cannot relate to the passage...it talks about not worrying about having enough food to eat or clothes to wear (I've never had to worry about that).  However, it does help me reflect on many of the worries, or roller coasters, I find myself dealing with, which are often caused by me doing things other than the basics.  It helps me understand the power of being able to do without our own understandings, because we can be strengthened by our dependence on God.  If he cares for the 'lilies of the field' and the birds, certainly he will provide our needs.

But here's the thing.  We often struggle in wanting to be healed or provided with what/how we want.  We have these expectations of how God should help us.  The passage doesn't promise anything other than the basics, the minimum for a life of survival, to be cared for.  No wonder we find ourselves at a life low when we neglect that in our attempts to go beyond...

Earth Summit 2012

I entered a Video Speech contest.  Spur of the moment, no expectations to win, but I was intrigued by the opportunity to give a message to the world...so I entered.

Watch it here: http://datewithhistory.com/en/vote/#!/media/10854

The theme of the contest is to share "the world I want", in attempts to inspire change and sustainability for the health and wellbeing of our Earth and humankind.

The winner receives an all expenses paid trip to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil this June for the UN hosted Earth Summit...that part excites me...but the winner also gives their speech to our world's recognized leaders...that part is intimidating.  The winner will be determined by first, public votes, then by paneled votes.

If you want to vote, click the yellow star beneath your favorite video (it will prompt you to create an account OR connect via your Facebook account). 

to ask...

Our pastor recently posed an interesting question at church.  Would you rather ask someone for something or would you rather be asked for something?

We live in a fairly small town with a very interesting mix of people.  We have a 4-star hotel overlooking a gorgeous lake surrounded by volcanoes.  This attracts many wealthy tourists.  Lake Atitlan was created thousands of years ago by a volcanic eruption, which (apparently) creates good energy.  This attracts many good-energy-seeking people (aka hippies) who sit on the side of the street making jewelry and selling their goods (including marijuana) to any passerby.  Our town is the gateway to all 12 villages around our lake.  If you want to cross the lake it's easier, cheaper, and more comfortable to do it by boat (as opposed to dirt roads), so most people come to Pana first and then travel around the lake by boat.  This attracts lots of tourists of all backgrounds and all pay-grades.  This, in turn, attracts lots of Guatemalans (mostly Mayans) who come to Pana to sell their goods (scarves, weavings, jewelry, etc) to the tourists.  It's a big mix of lots of different people who come for lots of different reasons.

All that to say, I have white skin (in case you were wondering) so I am viewed as a tourist and so I am frequently asked to buy things and give things.  Every day at least one person (often more) appoaches me: buy a scarf? take a ride on a boat? give me one quetzal? give me food?  It quickly weighs on one's heart, on one's mind, and often on one's wallet.  Perhaps one of my greatest struggles here has been how to respond to so many requests.  But that's another blog post...

So I have a lot of people who ask me for a lot of things.  And that's just sellers on the street.  My job also includes interviewing people who come to our office and ask for help.  I quickly become overwhelmed.  I sadly realize how little I can do to help (if I buy a scarf from you, you're just going to be back here tomorrow still selling scarves to survive).  It's an emotionally taxing situation and if any of you have traveled anywhere in a developing country, you probably know what I'm talking about.  And we've all had our moments where we complain about the constant begging and pleading, but that's the part that humbly slaps me in the face now.

This is when my pastor's question went straight to my heart.  Which would you rather be?  Sure, it's difficult and trying to have so many people coming up to you (while you eat, while you read, while you walk) and continuously ask you to buy things or give them money.  But, honestly, how much harder is it to be the one who feels like you have no other option or resource so you spend your days going from stranger to stranger asking them for something...for anything.

Most of the street sellers here are indigenous mothers with a baby tied in a blanket on their back, a 5-year old in one hand, and a 40 pound basket of goods balanced perfectly on her head.  She comes up to you and reaches out her arm where about 20 scarves are hanging color-coded and she asks you to buy something. 

Or they're elderly women in their 70's, often shoeless, selling hand woven bracelets...

Have I become so self-involved that I honestly sympathize with myself in the above situation?  Have I completely disregarded my neighbor who has no education so she is forced to ask others?

I will hold my tongue the next time I become impatient with someone begging or trying to sell me something.  I will give myself a reality check and hopefully I'll have the patience and love to respond with respect and kindness.

A Once in a Lifetime Easter Experience

The hype about the cultural traditions during Holy Week leading up to Easter turned out to be accurate!  We spent two nights in the popular city of Antigua, where literally millions of people travel to during the week to partake in the festivities and cultural traditions.

What are the traditions exactly?  Imagine a processional (parade-like) of thousands of men, women and children walking in lines throughout the streets, wearing all purple (and in some processionals all black), walking in these lines for sometimes up to 12 or 14 hours.  Processionals were scheduled throughout all hours of the day, one for each Catholic church in town, some starting at 4am, others not ending until 6am.  Along with the processionals themselves were 'alfombras', or carpets made of colored sawdust, flowers, fruit or pine needles.  Why do people do this?  It's a sacrifice, it's sacred, and it's inspiring.

 

There were thousands of church members walking in front of the large Jesus and Mary processional statues, but they did not walk in the center of the street but rather along the sides of the roads.  Then those (between 90 and 100 people) carrying the large float portraying Christ and other Saints walked over and through the alfombra carpets, literally destroying hours of intricate work...then followers would pick up the flowers or fruit to keep because the items were 'blessed'.

Before the processional:


After the processional:


To be an onlooker was interesting.  I was tired just walking to the streets where the processional was going to pass by, and I didn't have a huge statue resting on my shoulders.  Look at this picture in particular capturing the agony this young boy was going through while participating in the processional:

Notice the man on the corner is supporting the statue on his shoulder AND holding his baby son!

It was really cool being able to see the festivities in phases, because people building the alfombras would start during all hours of the day, too.  So we got to watch how it all happens.

Stencils were used to make intricate designs with the sawdust!

It was absolutely incredible to watch the masterpieces being created, step by step.

They watered down the alfombras to prevent wind from blowing pieces away.

WATCH this video of the processional happening right in front of us!!!

 And at the end of our time in Antigua, our host family made their own carpet, which we were able to help assist in the formation of!!!

 

 The end of our Easter week was spent with the family from Parramos, whose young girl recently passed away.  We stayed the night at their extended family's home, and I practiced making tortillas (last time it was Jenny that did it, now it was my turn!).

 It was a really nice time, there were many kids to play with.  Some of the youngest girls even sang us a song.  Listen in...

We are very grateful to have had these experiences and to be able to take in the Guatemalan culture.  And of course we were very pleased to be able to share in it with our 'extended Guatemalan family'.  We hope you can get a good glimpse at it too!

Because He lives...

This is our first Easter outside of the U.S. and it has been quite different. No Easter bunnies. No Easter dresses or hats. No coloring eggs (although we have enjoyed that tradition in the past!).

In my opinion, Easter is celebrated more in the Latin American culture. Schools close for atleast a week, streets close down for parades and processions, and many church services last until midnight or later. Sometimes in the States amidst busy schedules you can almost forget that Easter is approaching. And, in my experience, you definitely have to work hard at making time to reflect on the significance of this time of year.

But I feel like it's different here. Everyone looks forward to Easter and entire cities shut down to celebrate. Semana Santa (the week leading up to Easter) is a holy rememberance of Jesus's ultimate sacrifice. In a town where I have seen first-hand many sacrifices lived out each day, I am humbled and inspired to follow Jesus's ultimate act of sacrificial LOVE. Because He lives we don't have to draw back in fear and we can joyously join with Him in loving all of our neighbors: Guatemalan, North American, white, black, poor, rich, close by, or far away. He has overcome all pain, fear, and death to show us that loving one another is in fact worth everything. I'm humbled to call myself a follower of Christ and this week has once again shown me that there truly are no limits to the power of His love.

Semana Santa!

Jenny and I have today (Thursday) and tomorrow off for Holy Week holiday festivities!  We will be traveling to Antigua today and spend time there learning more about the rich history of tradition in Guatemala.  Holy Week, leading up to Easter, is huge here.  The whole week is considered a holiday in many venues.  Students don't go to school, and many businesses are closed, and the tourists come piling in.

Antigua specifically is known as the most popular site for Easter activities in all of Central America, if not of the whole western world.  We are very excited to make memories with the opportunity to be there during this time of the year.

Some of what to expect...
1) large processionals with members carrying huge statues of Christ and decorated floats
2) alfombras: carpets made in the streets, made out of colored saw dust, fruits and flowers
- The processionals walk over these 'carpets' (in effect destroying them), then people walking behind the processional can pick up and keep the fruits...so I hear, anyway (now it's time to experience it myself)!

It's hard to imagine, right?  Well, here's an alfombra:

Then on Saturday we'll be spending time in Parramos with Bernabe and Nirma and family.  We're excited to see them again, though it will certainly be different without baby Mirari around...

Q of D

"The poorest man I know is the man who has nothing but money"

          -John D Rockefeller