and we're back...

We have returned to North America once again.  We're still adjusting, still taking it all in with "new" eyes, still missing Guatemala and our friends there, but also very grateful. We returned to the US just in time to unpack, then re-pack, then leave the country again! We really wanted to make it to our cousin's wedding in Canada, but we weren't sure if we were going to be able to swing it so we kept it a secret. But I'm writing this from a patio view of beautiful British Columbia and the secret is out! We've enjoyed being in Canada on a lake surrounded by mountains...it reminds us a little bit of back home in Guatemala.

It was a crazy last couple of weeks in Guatemala. We met with so many friends and painfully said good-bye to them, not knowing when we'd be reunited again. There were many tears and lots of hugs and we were overwhelmed with the generosity of many under-resourced families who gave us beautiful gifts to remember them by. We had to get an extra suitcase from Mayan Families mainly to fit all of the gifts we received. We were overwhelmed by their generosity and love. While it was extremely painful saying good-bye, we know that we can never forget these friends and the blessing they have been to us. We will always be connected through prayer and fond memories.

Our last visit with the Rodriguez family. We got together on what would have been baby Merari's second birthday.

One last picture of David, Lucia, and Tomas (to appreciate the height difference between David and Lucia) 

We made bracelets with several children before we left as a fun farewell activity

Flying into the US we were stunned by huge parking lots, pristine highways, and about a billion Starbucks in the airports. But we were thrilled to be greeted by our immediate family members in the Indy airport and we all went out to dinner for endless salads (oh how I missed you salad!) at Olive Garden. It was wonderful to be reunited with all of our family and catch up on all the little things we missed over the past year. I only accidently spoke Spanish to the waitress once.

Being back is an emotional mix of everything: joy, anticipation, fear, sadness, shock, luxury, and everything in between. Our first morning back I went on a long run alone and decided that I wouldn't...I couldn't...look for answers. I had to find a way to live in peace with all the questions and all the tension. It never seems fair that we can come and go as we please, experience parts of the global north and south, and ultimately choose our professions, lives, and opportunities because we have the resources to do so. But I can't ask the why questions anymore. They lead me down a dead-end road of guilt and hopelessness. I will never have an answer for why I was born into a beautiful world filled with love and opportunity while so many are born into a world of pain and poverty. I will always be fuzzy concerning the fine line between building a financially stable future and not storing treasures on this earth. Is there such a thing as "being too generous" you may ask, and I have no answer. I have to be okay with not having answers. I have to find peace in the struggle, in the tension, in the messy dialogue. And that is my prayer as we return. 

David and I had about a billion conversations about US re-entry when we lived in Guatemala. Our last night in Guatemala I cried out of fear and deep tension. I felt like my heart was breaking and I would forever be leaving pieces of myself in Guatemala. But yet my heart is always with our friends and family in North America too. So I guess you could say my heart is broken. But you could also say my heart is growing as it remains with so many loved ones all over the world. And the truth is that my heart may be like this forever, stretched and torn and broken, yet perhaps more complete than it has ever been before.

So I'm slowly learning to find peace and contentment amidst the questions, the tension, and even a broken heart. God never promised us comfort and ease and that's not what I want to seek. In fact, I'm trying to cope with the pit in my stomach at the sight of so much comfort around me in North America. There are loftier purposes which we are made for and I humbly attempt to seek that uncomfortable and narrow road, step by step.

(Many have asked if we're going to continue our blog State-side and we have every intention to do so. Give us a bit as we re-adjust and get back into our rhythm, but we hope to update more frequently on our ideas and hopes for living back in the good ole USA)