bringin Guate back...

It's been almost 2 months since we left Guatemala and I'm going through withdrawal. So we've made a few attempts at bringing some of it back...

First we tried to make pupusas. I know, I know, they are really from El Salvador, but we ate them every Friday night in Guate and grew to crave them in no time. There are several women on the street who sell them, and at about 25 cents each you can't go wrong!

Pupusas are corn flour (the same ground corn that is used to make tortillas and tamales) stuffed with yummy fillings (beans, cheese, meat in different combinations) and then made into a stuffed tortilla and grilled or fried. They are delicious and usually served with tomato salsa and a pickled cabbage side. Mmmm

this is what they're supposed to look like

 

please see above the ginormous pupusa my dad made, he had to biggie size it

Chris doesn't look thrilled, but he really does like pupusas

So they definitely weren't quite like the pupusas back home in Guate, but they were a good first attempt and we can only get better (right?)!

A few weeks ago we had a Guate reunion with the lovely ladies (minus my cousin, Jessi, who is in Canada) who came to visit end of May. We began our reunion with some incredible tamales. Everyone in Indy should seriously go to The Tamale Place. Delicious!

Mmmm tamales

Then we spent about 3 hours (no joke) sipping tea and looking at Guate pics and videos. It brought back so many wonderful memories and stories. If we could have, we probably would have bought return flights then and there.

We definitely dressed up for the occasion! While in Pana, I grew to really respect the indigenous communities, their lifestyle, and their way of dress. They back-strap weave their traditional blouses, called guipils, and you can purchase them second-hand to support the communities...and wear beautiful, one of a kind blouses! In this picture we're wearing 4 different guipils from 4 different villages (each village around Lake Atitlan has its own history and it's own traditional clothing).

our beautiful guipils!

And we wore our Guatemalan shoes! Linda bought her little flats at the market in Santiago. I bought my moccasins from a leather man we got to know in San Juan (David has a pair too). And Patsy and Megan bought their cowboy boots in a little town called Pastores (we definitely took a chicken bus in the rain to find them in a village I had never gone to, quite the adventure!).

our Guate shoes

It's always fun to reminisce about Guate and attempt to bring some of it back here. We will always try to keep Guate close to our heart while living in the US, something we are really enjoying doing through our Fair Trade venture, Las Casas. (helpless plug, sorry...but check it out!)

Stuff, stuff, stuff

A sting of anxiety. Pit in my stomach. Heavy sigh. I have so many possessions. I lived for a year with so much less and I was surprisingly so content. I've tried to hold off as long as possible, but this week we began to shuffle through our stored items and revisit our possessions that we packed away neatly over a year ago, which were only a distant memory before...

this is only some of our stuff packed away in a garage

David attempting not to create an avalanche

shoes, shoes, shoes

When we moved to Guatemala we stuffed 4 suitcases with the essentials (probably should have rethought the 15 books which were too heavy) and said good-bye to the majority of our stuff. We took older clothes: nothing new, nothing fancy, nothing expensive. Sure, we acquired things while we were down there. Volunteers who came down would give us their leftover clothes and we happily used them until we returned to the US. But I was so easily content with the few, the old, the re-used, and the simple. Not to mention I had no room to pack make-up, I only blow dried my hair 3 times the whole year, and hair conditioner was a rare treat. It was easy to live simply there. We couldn't fit a lot of things into our apartment. If we had too much stuff and didn't use it frequently enough, it would grow mold within a week during the rainy season.

This week we began to go through all of our old stuff. What blows my mind is that I lived for a year without any of these things and I was happy and content, probably more stress-free than I've ever been (in regards to stuff). But what scares me the most is that all of these possessions won't be enough. In no time I'll find something else that I "need" to buy. Which, we all know I won't need, but I will find a way to justify it. I will purchase it at Goodwill for really cheap, and it will help alleviate any tension. But, as author Jen Hatmaker writes in 7, "I would like to be so focused on the valuable that what I am wearing doesn't even warrant mental space." How incredible would that be?!

Jen continues about how we justify each individual purchase: "This micro-justification easily translates to nearly every purchase I've made. Alone, each item is reduced to an easy explanation, a harmless transaction. But all together we've spent enough to irrevocably change the lives of a hundred thousand people...What if all my silly little individual purchases do matter? What if I joined a different movement, one that was less enticed by luxuries and more interested in justice? What if I believed every dollar spent is vital, a potential soldier in the war on inequality?"

I know that having a closet, or garage, or basement packed with stuff doesn't make me a bad person. But I don't want to want all of that. I don't want to feel like I "need" more things to be content or happy or accepted. I want to have a healthy, detached perspective on things, and I already find that increasingly more difficult here. I want to focus on the big picture: my purchases do matter, every dollar spent is my vote that is directly connected to the world I take part in creating.

Precious Kate!

One of the main reasons we chose our return date from Guatemala was so that we could be here for our niece's birth.  We were so thrilled to be present yesterday when she was born!  Kate Renee is so beautiful (and super cute when she sneezes!).  We're so thankful that mom and baby are healthy and doing really well.  Despite some initial fear of holding such a small little one, David did a great job carrying around all 7 pounds and 8 ounces of her.  We love our little niece so much already!

the adjustment...

"How has it been since your return to the States?" -- I've received this question numerous times the past few weeks. Hmm. Where to begin? How long do you have? Usually I smile and say something like "It's great to be closer to family and friends." It's just so hard to answer that question, there are so many things to say, so many things I'm still processing.

The easy answer is that the best part of being back, by far, is the people. Getting reacquainted with our community, catching up with family, reminiscing with friends...those are definitely the best parts of being back.

But there are also challenges, moments that make me feel like a foreigner, like a stranger. I don't know how to live here. How much is too much, how much is just right, how many questions can my mind tolerate before I self-implode.

Looking for jobs has caused us to question what is priority: jobs we're passionate about or jobs that push us out of comfort zones. We ride the tide of needing jobs to afford to live here and searching out jobs that help us find purpose in living here. We want to work and live in a community where we can dig deep in relationship, in service, in opening our home. Right now, it's all on hold and we're living in a space of not knowing what our lives here are going to look like.

When I think back to our life in Guatemala, it was so much easier to get involved in the community. There were needs everywhere you looked and people willing to engage in relationship. We met so many people by just walking up and down the streets:

We met Belem while eating sandwiches at a bakery. Soon we were coloring and singing together.

We met Lucia and her son, Tomas, on the street where they sold typical Guatemalan items to tourists.

Elias runs his parent's store, mostly on his own. We met him buying a headband.

Raul and David became friends when we first arrived and always joked about David's "love" for tomatoes.

It was easy to make new friends, it was easier to identify needs, and it was common to respond and try to help. It's so different here. We build walls around our needs and only let select people in. Some of us are prideful and don't want to accept help even when we need it. There are so many more barriers that you have to work to overcome before you can even get to know the individual or the need. In Guate there were so many natural opportunities to get to know people, build friendships, and share resources.

I take a step of vulnerability and admit that praying here feels different too. I know it's not true, but sometimes it feels like in the US we don't "need" God for our everyday needs. Back in Guate everyone I talked to, either personal friends or families that came to our office for assistance, everyone accepted the fact that they needed help and they needed God. It was very cultural for people to end conversations saying "If God wills it, we'll see each other again." People were so desperate given their poverty that they prayed to God for everything: corn, a blanket, some milk. Obviously the differences here are stark. If we need milk, we don't pray for it. We buy it.

I don't know what to make of these differences. I wish I could meet people easier and am confirmed that I will just have to work harder here to overcome those barriers. I think we should all pray more with a childlike faith, going to our Father with every need. But, the truth is, we don't have to here. We create our own opportunities to provide for ourselves. We don't have to ask God for it. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't. But it's obviously not cultural here to do so like it is in Guate. I struggle with this. I say it again: I don't know how to live here.

So those are just some of the differences I'm experiencing and how it's affecting our "adjustment back." That's why it's so hard to answer the initial question. Of course we're glad to be back, but it's not as easy to just accept things like I did before. I question a lot more and it's a tiring road. But I think it's good for me, I think it's necessary, and I don't fear living in the questions. When I question more, I find myself depending on God more, and that's always a good thing.